Yesterday I entertained the idea of playing Soccer after church with some of my college mates. We gathered at 3:30pm, some equipped with soccer gear such as knee-high socks, cleets, the occasional FIFA uniform, while the rest of us wore basketball shoes, XL t-shirts, and ankle socks. Try to guess which of the two I wore. Yeah.
As it stands, this is my second attempt at playing futbol in 2 years. That averages about to 1 soccer game per year. That’s a pretty high percentage on some level I’m sure. It goes without saying that I’m not very good and I should be ashamed, considering my Colombian roots. I have no shame, however, and I’m confident enough in my abilities in any sport to make a valuable contribution. I stuck with what I knew best: defense. A dude who is 20 pounds overweight is good for one thing, if anything, and that is unadulterated brute strength. I crashed into fools like there was no tomorrow. Ah yes, Pain, we meet again.
My first mistake was neglecting to stretch sufficiently. I did a few toe-taps and about 1 and a half leg raises before playing. And I think I squated once to tie my shoes. That was my warm-up/stretch. Then the game was on. I had forgotten how much running was involved in soccer. It’s not like in the video games where the only fatigue you get is from pressing on the directional pad for too long. There’s actual breathing involved in the sport. Heavy, heavy breathing.
When playing against an opponent with a leg-brace, beware collision. I have a nice gash-bruise on my left leg after crashing into my friend Chris for a steal. Afterwards, it seemed as if the Axe body spray was taking effect because dudes just kept crashing into me head-on. And yet I stood relentlessly, bringing on more pain then they could handle. The child inside of me whimpered with each blow to the chest but I yelled at him and told him to stop the Jibba Jabba. He submitted willingly.
After 3 games I walked off the field victoriously, limping, sweating, and laughing. Mostly limping. I think I pulled a groin muscle with all that movement. The limping has carried over into it’s 32nd hour now and I can only hope that my lower body heals some more tomorrow. There’s nothing more painful than having to explain to your co-workers that your groin hurts. I’m convinced that the word groin is never accompanied by good news.
And so I’m off to bed now. Maybe I’ll tune in to Nick At Nite and catch a rerun of Mike Seever’s adventures in Groin Pains.








