Survey Again

1.Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
Yeah I talk to Scooby all the time. He’s the best dog ever.

2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
I think that’s an obvious answer. I’d barter them for ice cream. And then I’d eat the ice cream with my hands to show you how hardcore I am.

3. What did you do when you weren’t in school in the 2nd grade?
Boy, what didn’t I do that year.

4. What is the best thing about a job?
If your job is being Chuck Norris, then I would say having an unrestricted amount of human strength, and getting paid for it. Unless you have one of those dead end jobs. Then I guess it’s all about the money.

5. Do you like more than one person right now?
Sure. But you’re not one of them. I hate your guts.

6. Are you against same sex marriage?
Depends on what you mean by “are” and “same”.

7. Did you vote for Bush?
Nope. I voted for some dude in Venezuela. He didn’t win.

8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
Looks like it will be Brazil. I hear there’s naked bowling there. Steeeeerike!

9. Have you dry humped any of your myspace friends?
Haha you said the word hump. Silly Middle School surveyors

10. Are most of your friends guys or girls?
I’m not going to bore you with any details. I’ll just get straight to the point: yes.

11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
At work we have all kinds of IKEA furniture. For instance, we have an IKEA coffee table, IKEA lights, IKEA shelves, and we’re about to get IKEA water but it’s nearly impossible to build all the Hydrogen and Oxygen without the manual.

12. Last book you read?
“His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley Jr. As you can imagine, it’s a fairy tale about dinosaurs that talk.

13. If you could have one super power what would it be?
I would really enjoy flying backwards like Powder Toast Man. He gets all the chicks.

14. Where have you lived most of your live da most?
Most of my life da most? What kind of nonsense psychobabble is that? I refuse to answer Miami, Florida. I simply refuse it.

15. What was the last convo you had about?
We were talking about the type of film to buy for our next photo assignment. In other words I was spittin’ game to this lil’ shawty.

16. Where do you see yourself in four years?
Honestly, I hope to be recovering from a failed marriage. Yeah I aim real low.

17. What’s your favorite scent?
50 Scent is my favorite rapper. All his albums are scratch-n-sniff.

18. What is your favorite sound?
That gurgly sound when you strangle a fish underwater. Fish don’t think they can drown, but I showed them. I showed them all! ::evil laughter::

19. Are you moody?
Only when people accuse me of being moody. Then I lose it.

20. Favorite movie of all time?
I bet all you movie snobs would say something indie like “City of God” or “Memento”. Typical. My favorite movie is “Dumb And Dumber”.

21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your classmate?
Vindictive is a good thing right? If so, then yes, if not, then yes.

22. Have you ever gone to therapy?
Only physical therapy. They had me in this stray jacket and covered my mouth with this face guard. I like to tell people it’s physical therapy.

23. Have you ever Played Spin the bottle?
Dang it’s been such a long time. The last time I played was like a week ago. That was like, what, 100 hours ago or something. I can barely count that high.

24. Have you ever Toilet papered someone’s house?
No, but I did something even better. I turned their toilet paper around in the little paper holder so it would roll from the top instead of from the bottom. I bet they’re still like “whoa.”

25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
Sure. But then someone else told her I liked her and I was forced to erase her memory via bribery.

26. Have you ever gone camping?
Yeah. I play Counter Strike all the time. I’m one of those sniper losers.

27. Have you ever had a crush on your brother’s friend?
Not really. I don’t think Hector would ever dig me.

28. Have you ever gone to a nude beach?
Nope. But I went to a rude beach once. Isn’t really my scene. All the shouting and whatnot.

29. Have you ever gone streaking?
Funny story… one time I was walking down the dairy aisle in Publix and… well no. I haven’t gone streaking.

30. Have you ever had a stalker?
I thought so, but it turned out I’m just really vain and anti-social.

31. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
No way. I only dip chunky people. It’s fun to hear them squeal like the little piggies they are.

32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
One time I cried so hard I laughed. And then everyone slowly walked away from me.

33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only one who would go to the party and stay sober?
If I had a nickel for everytime someone asked me that question… I’d go to Vegas and play the Nickel Slots. Once.

34. Have you ever been in love?
I’ve been in debt. That’s the same thing.

35. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
Not really. But then I found out he stole my soccer move and said it was his. So I did donuts on his front lawn with a unicycle. Yeah, he wasn’t ready for that one.

36. Have you ever lied to your parents?
It’s a part time job of mine. The income really sucks though.

37. Have you ever been out of the country?
Technically I live out of the country. Yeah. Broward.

38. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
Nope, that would be embarrassing. I only throw up at parties, where people know me.

39. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a single month straight?
No, but I went back the next day and had that lady fix it. And then I shanked everyone in the spine.

40. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day?
Ewww. Gross. Yuck. Nasty. Disgusting. Yes.

41. Last song you listened to?
“Wait Until Tomorrow” by the John Mayer Trio. Man I love Gangsta Rap.

42. Have you ever spied on someone?
By the time you read this question, I will have viewed all your emails.

43. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers?
No way. They’re infested with all kinds of diseases. Like A.D.D.

44. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
Sure. Scooby runs around naked all day. Wait, that’s not true. He has a little collar.

45. Who was the last person who called you?
You might know her. It’s this Asian girl. Her name is Nunya.

46. When was the last time you slept for more then 12 hours?
Dude, if you sleep for more then 12 hours then leave me a message. So I can take you off my buddy list.

47. Have you ever been arrested?
Technically no, because I managed to do a ninja attack before the second handcuff was on me.

48. Most embarassing CD you own?
Joey Lawrence’s Greatest Hits.

49. Have you ever stolen anything?
I stole this girl’s heart once. Some would say it’s romantic, but it really is a bloody mess.

50. Have you ever drank eggnog?
I tasted it once. It gave me the power to roundhouse kick anything in a five mile radius. Eat your heart out, Chuck Norris.