I leave tomorrow to the State Collegiate Retreat in Gainesville. I can’t remember the official title of this event, but I know it includes at least 8 words. Longest title ever? Probably.
I’ll be back on Sunday hopefully with some pictures. Pray for our safety. Thanks.
So this weekend I went to the Academy Is concert. I drove up with Johanna thinking it would be a nice little line, since we had our tickets via ticketmaster. We arrived instead to a swarm of giddy emo boys and girls, long hair flowing in a crowd of feisty anxiety. They giggled and pointed and talked about the people standing in front of them in line. It was a scary sight to see, so many white people in their hip clothing, chewing bubblegum and talking nonsense. I even saw two girls almost get in a fight. They called each other names and almost started swinging their Louis Vuittons. When Joey and I approached the line, we realized that it wrapped around the building. I was used to the Culture Room line that spanned a good 30 feet at the most. This was definitely not the Culture Room. From the balcony, some dude started throwing down dollar bills into the den of hipsters. They went even more wild.
Eventually the line started moving forward and we entered the outdoor venue just in time. Hellogoodbye began their set as we stepped in front of the stage. I guess we weren’t really in front of the stage. We were more like 50 feet south-west of it, trying to peer over the thousands of hairsprayed heads in front of us. The balcony behind us was packed with rich juveniles as well, so we decided to stand next to the bar where we had arrived. The first two bands generated a great stir of jumps and claps from the crowd. I was glad to see Hellogoodbye for the first time. I was equally happy to see Acceptance again. I practically know the dudes by now, having seen them four times in the past year. They always put on a good show. As soon as they finished performing, all madness broke loose.
As soon as Panic! At The Disco began setting up the stage, the hormonal teenagers began moving closer to the stage. Not realizing the laws of physics prohibited ALL of them from getting 3 feet from the stage, a lot of people were probably trampled on. Plenty of people definitely fainted. I saw security pull at least 10 people out of the crowd. I couldn’t tell if they were crowd surfing or if they were passing a stretcher above the audience. It was madness indeed. In fact, the crowd swayed left and right, causing the bar I was leaning on to completely lift. The alchohol cooler tipped over and spilled all over the floor, on the feet of the cladly dressed bartenders. Put a bunch of emotional music junkies in an open space and you’re asking for some kind damage, internal or, in this case, public.
It appears that Panic! has developed quite a following, not only from scenester kids but from thirtysomethings as well. A businessman and his co-worker stood behind me, reciting all the lyrics to this young band while smoking their cigarettes and talking to the bartenders. Eventually the madness was so bad that they security had to protect the bar in riot-gear fashion. They lined up in a single line, backs facing toward the crowd to prevent the swaying fans from tipping over the bar for a third time. Didn’t help. The bouncers couldn’t stop the motion. Eventually ALL the liquor was spilled on the floor and some people were cut from the glass. We had chosen the right place to stand. The older folks and my crew didn’t budge.
Not big fans of Academy, my friends and I decided to check out the merch tables and then left quickly. I bought Hellogoodbye’s album for a cheap 8 dollars. Good stuff. We left early and enjoyed some great pizza with Alex and Kristel before the night was over. All in all, it was entertaining night. I guess I don’t always have to jump into the mosh pit to have a good time. Who would’ve guessed?
1.Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
Yeah I talk to Scooby all the time. He’s the best dog ever.
2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
I think that’s an obvious answer. I’d barter them for ice cream. And then I’d eat the ice cream with my hands to show you how hardcore I am.
3. What did you do when you weren’t in school in the 2nd grade?
Boy, what didn’t I do that year.
4. What is the best thing about a job?
If your job is being Chuck Norris, then I would say having an unrestricted amount of human strength, and getting paid for it. Unless you have one of those dead end jobs. Then I guess it’s all about the money.
5. Do you like more than one person right now?
Sure. But you’re not one of them. I hate your guts.
6. Are you against same sex marriage?
Depends on what you mean by “are” and “same”.
7. Did you vote for Bush?
Nope. I voted for some dude in Venezuela. He didn’t win.
8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
Looks like it will be Brazil. I hear there’s naked bowling there. Steeeeerike!
9. Have you dry humped any of your myspace friends?
Haha you said the word hump. Silly Middle School surveyors
10. Are most of your friends guys or girls?
I’m not going to bore you with any details. I’ll just get straight to the point: yes.
11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
At work we have all kinds of IKEA furniture. For instance, we have an IKEA coffee table, IKEA lights, IKEA shelves, and we’re about to get IKEA water but it’s nearly impossible to build all the Hydrogen and Oxygen without the manual.
12. Last book you read?
“His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley Jr. As you can imagine, it’s a fairy tale about dinosaurs that talk.
13. If you could have one super power what would it be?
I would really enjoy flying backwards like Powder Toast Man. He gets all the chicks.
14. Where have you lived most of your live da most?
Most of my life da most? What kind of nonsense psychobabble is that? I refuse to answer Miami, Florida. I simply refuse it.
15. What was the last convo you had about?
We were talking about the type of film to buy for our next photo assignment. In other words I was spittin’ game to this lil’ shawty.
16. Where do you see yourself in four years?
Honestly, I hope to be recovering from a failed marriage. Yeah I aim real low.
17. What’s your favorite scent?
50 Scent is my favorite rapper. All his albums are scratch-n-sniff.
18. What is your favorite sound?
That gurgly sound when you strangle a fish underwater. Fish don’t think they can drown, but I showed them. I showed them all! ::evil laughter::
19. Are you moody?
Only when people accuse me of being moody. Then I lose it.
20. Favorite movie of all time?
I bet all you movie snobs would say something indie like “City of God” or “Memento”. Typical. My favorite movie is “Dumb And Dumber”.
21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your classmate?
Vindictive is a good thing right? If so, then yes, if not, then yes.
22. Have you ever gone to therapy?
Only physical therapy. They had me in this stray jacket and covered my mouth with this face guard. I like to tell people it’s physical therapy.
23. Have you ever Played Spin the bottle?
Dang it’s been such a long time. The last time I played was like a week ago. That was like, what, 100 hours ago or something. I can barely count that high.
24. Have you ever Toilet papered someone’s house?
No, but I did something even better. I turned their toilet paper around in the little paper holder so it would roll from the top instead of from the bottom. I bet they’re still like “whoa.”
25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
Sure. But then someone else told her I liked her and I was forced to erase her memory via bribery.
26. Have you ever gone camping?
Yeah. I play Counter Strike all the time. I’m one of those sniper losers.
27. Have you ever had a crush on your brother’s friend?
Not really. I don’t think Hector would ever dig me.
28. Have you ever gone to a nude beach?
Nope. But I went to a rude beach once. Isn’t really my scene. All the shouting and whatnot.
29. Have you ever gone streaking?
Funny story… one time I was walking down the dairy aisle in Publix and… well no. I haven’t gone streaking.
30. Have you ever had a stalker?
I thought so, but it turned out I’m just really vain and anti-social.
31. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
No way. I only dip chunky people. It’s fun to hear them squeal like the little piggies they are.
32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
One time I cried so hard I laughed. And then everyone slowly walked away from me.
33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only one who would go to the party and stay sober?
If I had a nickel for everytime someone asked me that question… I’d go to Vegas and play the Nickel Slots. Once.
34. Have you ever been in love?
I’ve been in debt. That’s the same thing.
35. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
Not really. But then I found out he stole my soccer move and said it was his. So I did donuts on his front lawn with a unicycle. Yeah, he wasn’t ready for that one.
36. Have you ever lied to your parents?
It’s a part time job of mine. The income really sucks though.
37. Have you ever been out of the country?
Technically I live out of the country. Yeah. Broward.
38. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
Nope, that would be embarrassing. I only throw up at parties, where people know me.
39. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a single month straight?
No, but I went back the next day and had that lady fix it. And then I shanked everyone in the spine.
40. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day?
Ewww. Gross. Yuck. Nasty. Disgusting. Yes.
41. Last song you listened to?
“Wait Until Tomorrow” by the John Mayer Trio. Man I love Gangsta Rap.
42. Have you ever spied on someone?
By the time you read this question, I will have viewed all your emails.
43. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers?
No way. They’re infested with all kinds of diseases. Like A.D.D.
44. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
Sure. Scooby runs around naked all day. Wait, that’s not true. He has a little collar.
45. Who was the last person who called you?
You might know her. It’s this Asian girl. Her name is Nunya.
46. When was the last time you slept for more then 12 hours?
Dude, if you sleep for more then 12 hours then leave me a message. So I can take you off my buddy list.
47. Have you ever been arrested?
Technically no, because I managed to do a ninja attack before the second handcuff was on me.
48. Most embarassing CD you own?
Joey Lawrence’s Greatest Hits.
49. Have you ever stolen anything?
I stole this girl’s heart once. Some would say it’s romantic, but it really is a bloody mess.
50. Have you ever drank eggnog?
I tasted it once. It gave me the power to roundhouse kick anything in a five mile radius. Eat your heart out, Chuck Norris.
There’s a strange kind of satisfaction in knowing you’re the only one who did the homework assignment in class. It’s strange because the joy is mixed with a fear of being hated. Yesterday my english professor dismissed the class an hour early because the majority of the class didn’t do their homework assignments, which were, in fact, quite easy assignments. I walked into the classroom fearing that I didn’t understand the poetry and short story well enough. Turns out I was the only one with that struggle. Being a smart dude, the professor often starts the class with a some questions on the board about the reading assignment. I suppose some of the students attempted to pass off that they read the material by vaguely answering these questions. One student in particular, Carlos, must have written some far out stuff, because the teacher called him on it.
“So Carlos, what do think of the main character? Did she love her husband?”
“No.”
“Why not, Carlos?”
“Because, umm, didn’t they get in arguments a lot?”
“When did they argue?”
“Well didn’t she argue with him about his tone of voice and all that?”
“Carlos, you didn’t read the material, did you?”
“I guess I must have read the wrong one.”
Classic response. Sitting right next to Carlos, it was difficult for me NOT to laugh. In the story, the main character never even sees her husband. She laments over his death and the entire scene is of her sitting at her window thinking about how relieved she finally is. So you can see how it’s difficult to mix up an argument with… no argument. At this point, I figured the only person who hadn’t read the short story was Carlos. But then I noticed I was the only person laughing at his answers. Everyone else kept on looking down at the floor in shame. And then I knew. I was the only one.
I had some questions about the poem we were assigned to read, but the professor decided not to answer because nobody else had prepared. And then we got the lecture. Not a class lecture, but a behaviour lecture. They deserved it. Everytime I’ve sat through a disciplinary lecture, I deserved it 99.9% of the time. This time I was scott-free. I was a saint. I was the good boy.
I made it home an hour earlier than usual. Exhausted, I ate dinner and watched side A of my In Living Color dvd. Needless to say, it was a good day.
I’d rather be outside, walking my dog. Listening to nothing, walking through fog. Hoping to hear Him respond to a prayer. But I’m glad when it’s quiet, cause I know He’s still there. I think of the time I have left, how I’ve used it and wasted. And sometime I think that it’s better to face it. I talk and he listens, I walk and he guides me. Even though I don’t feel him, I know he’s beside me. So I pray with eyes open, keeping straight on the pavement. And the cool spring night makes me wonder where days went. How they passed with such speed, how they seem such a blur. But I remember my friends, and how fun the days were. So I smile and I talk and I know that he listens. And each pause is a comfort and each star silently glistens. I walk past the sprinklers, timing my speed, avoiding cold water like a deep buried seed. But as soon as I pass one the rest soon turn off and my path is still comforting, silent and soft. Before I know it, I’m approaching the home, with my dog and my God I don’t feel so alone. I open the door and I feel that yellow glow and it’s off to my bed where I’ll soon have to go.
Goodnight.
I feel less nauseous than before. A few minutes ago I was in line at Walgreens getting ready to pay for a camera battery when the sudden urge to throw up came upon me. I covered my mouth and took deep breaths in an attempt to keep my lunch down. My eyelids were dropping, my heartrate was rising, and the anxiety wore on. I tried not to panic as I stood in front of the register, handing over the $8.02 and avoiding any kind of eye contact or foreign smells. The slightest aroma could’ve made me burst at this point. I walked out of the air-conditioned pharmacy and onto the streets of downtown Miami. Knowing I needed to get the food settled, I decided to just walk as much as possible. After each block I urgently saught for the closest trash bin. I didn’t want to risk blowing chunks all over the paved sidewalks. Some of my friends walk on those sidewalks. Couldn’t risk it.
The heat was unbearable and my jacket wasn’t helping. In Miami we have this thing called retarded weather. In the morning it’s sometimes the chilliest moments of the year and then hours later it’s back to the season of summer. Which is why I refuse to wear pants. I rock the shorts. Always.
Anyway, back to the story. I stop to take off my jacket, unload my pockets into my backpack, reposition the camera around my neck and all the while hoping to see a nearby trash can. Instead of a trash can, all I see is girls. I panic. I can’t throw up in front of a girl! It would kill my chance to work my charm. Unless they’re into that barfing sort of charm. Doubt it.
I shouldn’t have ordered that Peanut Butter-Banana-Chocolate smoothie right after that big sandwich. Thought I could handle it. Dead wrong. Fortunately I didn’t throw up, but I don’t feel quite as chipper as earlier this morning. Now I have this sudden fatigue and desire to sleep. I’m going to head to my car and take a nap. When I wake up I’ll start my English homework. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.
I hope I parked near a trash can.
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