Sketchism

1) How many times can you honestly say you’ve been in love? I’d say about 10 times. But I’d be lying. And lying makes baby jebus cry.

2) How many serious boyfriends/Girlfriends have you had? If you ask me, (which you did), I’d say one serious girlfriend is enough. They take everything so seriously. I mean seriously, what’s the deal? No, serious, two.

3) When was your first date & who was it with? I was in seventh grade, my girlfriend was Candy and we went to a hispanic music festival at that park in Hialeah. I forget the name. I think it was Hialeah Park.

4) Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate? I believe everyone has a belly button. I don’t know about soul mates. I’m not a doctor.

5) When do you think that you�ll get married? As soon as I can revive her.

6) Do you think that you should become friends with someone before dating them? In my line of work you begin to realize early on that the perfect spouse is your greatest enemy. Woo your enemy and you’ll have a great wife. What’s my line of work? I’m a programmer.

7) Do you believe that opposites attract? Yes, I know that possums attack.

What traits do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend? Gotta have teeth. All of 7 of ‘em.

9) What is your dream date? All I know is that the night ends with game of charades and a Dumb & Dumber quote. Oh and a kiss would be nice. Oh yeah, and a hot girl.

10) Have you ever had your heart broken? I’ve had my heart stabbed. That’s probably worse than breaking. There’s more bleeding involved in stabbings.

11) Where do you want your wedding to take place? In the eighties. I’m sure time machines are just around the corner.

12) What kind of music do you want to have played at your wedding? Anything that involves the kazoo.

13) Where do you want to go for your Honeymoon? I like the idea of Switzerland. That, or Hialeah.

14) What do you think about long-distance relationships? Long distance relationships are kind of wedgies. I’d rather seeing other people experience it.

15) Your thoughts on online relationships? Must be hard to hold hands digitally. The static would ruin the whole experience.

16) Would you rather date someone five years older or five years younger than you? If I date someone five years younger than me, I’m sure I’d be violating some kind of law. I’ll take the safe route and date an older gal. She can tell me what the eighties were like.

17) When did you have your first kiss? Seventh grade, during a school performance.

18) Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend? One time I saw a friend as a giant lizard. But then again it was Halloween.

19) Are you a hopless romantic? I like to hop every now and then. Sheesh, fix your spelling.

20) Are you the romantic type? Yeah. I’ll whine and dine you. And boy do I whine.

21) Do you believe the statement, �Once a cheater always a cheater?� I’m not big on vague absolutes. Here’s a better quote, in regards to playing cards. “Win if you can, lose if you must, cheat always.” I thought that was pretty funny. Then again I think Gerry is funny.

22) Do you read romance novels? I read cereal boxes. And boy do they sweep me off my feet.

23) Do most of your stories & poems you write revolve around love? Yeah, I’ll admit it. I only write poetry when I’m in love or when I’m sad, which is pretty much the same thing.

24) Have you ever fallen for a pen pal? I’ll confess that a long time ago I really cared for someone who was my penpal. Then she showed me her real picture and I never wrote to her again. I’m sorry but she tricked me. In the first picture she totally looked like a mermaid. A year later she all of a sudden has feet. I mean what’s the deal with that?

25) Have you ever been in a love triangle? I’d say more like a love trapezoid. Like the pizza hut logo.

26) Must love be felt to be truly understood? What is this, an interrogation? No, I won’t go out with you, get to the point.

27) Are you a shy lover or a vibrant lover? I’m an American, dangnammit. And don’t you forget it.

28) Do you believe that marriage is something scary? Only if you marry a zombie, cause you never know when she’ll start nibbling on your skull.

29) Are you for or against couples living together without getting married? Against it. There’s no promise of commitment otherwise. Marriage proves to the world that you’re ready to commit fully to a relationship and give up all your cool furniture for your wife’s crap.

30) Have you ever asked someone out on a date? Crashed and Burned. Bad time to ask, right in the middle of a car accident.

31) Ever been stood up on a date? Actually yeah. She ended up going with some other dude and making out with him in the theaters. It’s ok though. I killed them both. Haha just kidding. I just stepped on a lizard while I cried my eyes out.

32) Have you ever loved someone it hurt & you cried? Whoa, you totally read my mind just now. I hope the next question isn’t about marriage, because that’s what I’m thinking about.

33) Are you/Have you ever been married? Ok you’re scaring me now. Is this some kind of psychic questionnaire? Nah I haven’t been married before. I’ve been carried however. Many times.

34) Did you go to prom, if so, with who? I went to prom with Dina. But I danced with everyone else too. Awwright!

35) Do you/Did you enjoy school dances? I prefer square dances. You get to clap and wear boots.

36) How many kids do you want to have? I think two biological and one adopted. That would be awesome.

37) Is there someone who you really like at the moment? Yeah, but it’s all in Gods timing. My crushes are usually so fickle.

38) Have you ever been secretly in love? I’m not sure what that means exactly. I’ve been secretly hungry before, I know that for sure.

39) Have you ever sent someone something on Valentines Day? Yeah, cards, chocolate, Winnie The Pooh backpack. I hate that holiday, its too expensive.

40) Have you ever had a secret admirer? Yeah. I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or scared. There’s a thin line between secret admirer and stalker.

41) Have you ever been a secret admirer? Yeah, I’ve been a secret admirer plenty of times. I’m such a wuss. Haha.

42) Do you read Shoujo manga? What’d you call me?

43) Do you usually fall for a wrong guy/girl or the right guy/girl? When you’re single for so long, there’s not so much falling. Unless you live near lots of craters.

44) Are you a lover or a fighter? I’m a lover, but I enjoy the occasional fist fight.

45) What do you think about interracial couples? Personally I’m not all that into Nascar, but hey if that’s what you’re into then more power to ya. Alright alright. I’m all for interracial couples. My second girlfriend and my biggest crush were jamaicans. And both of their names were Natasha. So if you ask me what I think about Natasha-dating then I’m for that too.

46) Do you believe in divorce? Divorce is like a box of snails: ugly. Man I’m so wise, it’s scary.

47) Are your parents still together or are they divorced? My parents are still together, God bless ‘em.

48) What is your favorite color on the opposite sex? Definitely not neon green. I like to see girls without having to squint.

49) What are your views on gay marriages? They’re so gay. (great answer, Gerry)

50) Do you think its okay for best friends to become couples? They say the dog is man’s best friend. So no, you sick puppy. Pun intended, my friends. Point, set, and match! But seriously best friends make the best couples. Any cute girls got openings for the best friend position? I have a resume with references.

51) Have you ever broken someones heart? I broke someone’s cookie jar once. They weren’t happy.

52) Have you ever been given or given roses? I gave roses to this girl last Christmas and she practically declined them when I gave them to her. She took them and all, but she didn’t think it was appropriate. I should have just given her a cold. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

53) Do you have an ideal mate? I’ve written a list, yes. Now it’s just a matter of timing.

54) Have you ever been to a dating site? Yeah. It was so cheesy and pink. So I was like “Goodbye!” ::signed off::

55) If so, what did you do there? I created a profile for myself and received emails from faceless people. I don’t know about you, but I like my girls with faces.

56) What do think of E-harmoney, match.com etc? I think it’s spelled Harmony, you big doof.

57) Have you ever met someone you met online & fallen in love with them? Nah. Although I’ve fallen in love with quite a few websites. It’s the designer in me.

58) Have you ever been engaged? Yeah, but it was secret. Even she didn’t know. She didn’t know we were dating either, but eventually someone snitched me out.

59) Has someone ever proposed marriage to you? No, but the waitresses always propose dessert. And I like that in a woman.

60) Are you the one who makes the move or do you wait for them to make the move? I’m not much of a mover. I’ve lived in the same house all my life. Ok that’s a lie. I moved here 6 years ago.

61) Do you flirt or are you not a flirter? My last girlfriend said I flirted with everyone. Even her sisters. Can you say Paranoid? So to answer your question, yes. I flirt.

62) How do you act around the guy/girl you like? I tend to walk and talk like Mr T. Girls think Mr T is sexy.

63) Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Never seen the Notebook. But I hear it’s the most romantic film ever, next to Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze.

64) What is your all time favorite romance movie? Wow good question. I think it would be Dumb & Dumber. I laughed, I cried. I took a bathroom break.

65) Do you read Romance novels? Quit asking me that.

66) Favorite Video Game Romance? Mario and Yoshi. They were made for each other.

67) Would you get remarried more than twice? Wow you just fast forwarded to something I hoped never to experience. Thanks for ruining my life.

68) Imagine you’re 79 & your spouse just died, would you remarry after they died & you were married for 60 years? Who wants to marry a 79 year old? If you do, then give me a call sometime.

69) Is remarriage betryal? There’s no such thing as be-TRY-al. Gotta love these illiterate surveys. (whew, close one)

70) What do you think of pre-arranged marriages? It’s been done for thousands of years. That’s all I can process through my head right now.

71) Do you know anyone who has had their marriage annulled? Yes. Renee Zellwegger and her country bumpkin husband got an annullment about 2 weeks ago. I wish I knew what that was. Sounds romantic.

72) Does romance make you gag? It makes me dance, which in turn makes other people gag.

73) At what age did you start noticing the opposite sex? I’ve been in love with girls since at LEAST second grade. That’s as far back as I can remember. Ahhh Jennifer.

74) What song do you want played as you walk down the aisle? Gold-digger, by Kanye West.

75) Does Love conquer all? Plagues conquer all. Oh, and vikings too.

76) Are most High School kids in infatuation or love? I think they’re mostly confused. Too much MTV if you ask me.

77) Who was your first love? Candy. But you know what they say, too much candy ain’t good for ya.

78) What�s the longest you�ve ever liked someone? Ouch I can’t even remember. I had a crush on Natasha for like 3 years. That’s hardly love though.

79) Do you have any friends who are already married? Yeah. One word: Punk’d.

80) Would you give up everything for love? I’d give up everything for a decent meal right about now. Anybody got a sandwich at least?

81) Love songs, yeah or naw? Yeah. Boyz II Men, the original emo group. Old skool!

82) Will you�re life be incomplete without love? Speaking of incomplete, I noticed that this survey is missing question number 83, so I’ll just make one up…

83) PANCAKES OR WAFFLES? I’m going to have to go with pancakes.

84) Who gave you your first kiss? Candy. I think that’s when puberty kicked in.

85) Can you remember your very first crush? Wow, my first crush was another Natasha. I’m seeing a pattern now.

86) First guy/girl you held hands with? Ana in elementary school. We liked each other but were so embarrassed.

87) First guy/girl you hugged of the opposite sex in your teen years? Natasha, the jamaican one. She was hottest girl in school that year. Cha-ching!

88) Have you ever suffered from insomnia because you loved someone? I’ve had insomnia due to a heavy dinner and a broken heart. Not necessarily in that order.

89) First time you got flowers from someone of the opposite sex? Can’t remember. Oh wait I remember. Never.

90) Have you ever celebrated valentines day with a significant other? Yeah. Big whoop. More money down the drain.

I’m surprised this questionairre didn’t go to 100. I’m thankful too. My eyes hurt.