An apple a day…

So I woke up kind of late today, knowing full well what was going to happen at 11 o’clock. My yearly physical was due, so I headed off to the doctor’s office at 10, hoping to get attended early so I can head off to work. Ha!
I waited in the lobby, patiently reading the newest edition of Relevant magazine, as the rest of the would-be patients watched Montel Williams. Fortunately I can tune out easily, but there were times when I stopped reading and heard some of the testimonies coming from the television screen. People were crying, talking about survival guilt and how the tragedies happened. I focused my attention back to the magazine. A few articles later I looked up and they were giving Family Feud. The deciding question was “Things that people waste”. The lady to my right said “water”, hoping the contestant would say the same. He didn’t. Instead he said “food” and he earned enough points to win the game for his family. Ding ding ding ding, people clapped and hugged and I looked back down to my magazine. A few pages later I looked up and the 12 o’clock news were on, Haiti had it’s president kidnapped by the U.S. and now their are american troops handling the madhouse over there. Great, more american teenage boys handling someone else’s dirty laundry. The room was practically empty by this point, save the elderly couple to my right, whispering comments as the footage of haitian looters was shown over and over. The media sure knows how to make something bad look incredibly worse. I look back down and read some article on AIDS in Africa and some other editorials. Before I know it, my mother and I are the only ones left in the office. Even the crickets have left and the tumbleweed is closing the door behind himself. Finally I hear my name, and I’m taken to the scale where I’m told I weigh 180 pounds. Not bad. I’m taken to another room where my blood pressure is taken and a thermometer is put in my mouth. At some point I have lost complete track of time, and am told the doctor will see me shortly. The nurse is training a young female highschool intern how to document the information and where to place the files.

I pick up a nearby Esquire magazine and start reading away. I flip through the many pages and realize I’m just about done with the blasted thing. A lady comes in the room, tells me I’ll have to come back in an hour, there’s a really sick patient they have to attend to. I agree to return, after all I’m starving at this point. So I leave the office to a nearby chicken restaurant with me ma’, and we scarf down the plates. She heads off to take care of some business and some banks as I lay in the car daydreaming. It is 5 til 2:00 and we get back to the doctor’s office. I walk back into the patient room and finally the doctor comes in the room… after I’ve fallen asleep for about 30 minutes. He looks at me, asks me a few questions, tells me to turn my head and cough, tells me I need to lose about 20 more pounds, and says I’m as healthy as a horse.

Geez I coulda told you that by a glance in the mirror. And it would’ve been cheaper. Needless to say the day was practically over and I didn’t go to work.

So tomorrow morning I return on a complete fast so they can do some bloodwork. I already know what the doctor’s going to say: “Hmm… looks like your blood is red. I guess you’re ok.”